LIBRARY LIFE

Gladstone's Library, Hawarden

Jess Doyle became an events volunteer in Hawarden after finding something special at Gladstone's Library. This week, she reflects on her relationship with writing, literature and the library, and how the space has helped her rediscover a part of herself.

Becoming A Writer...

I recently started volunteering a couple of hours a week at Gladstone Library and I've been reflecting on my relationship with the place.

My first visit was several years ago now. I'm a Mum-of-two and my youngest had just started part-time education.

Back then, I was way beyond the point where I could call what I was experiencing postnatal depression and starting to understand that my mental health concerns weren't going to gradually fade like a cold or a sickness, I needed to learn to live with them instead.

I reflected then how much I'd lost touch with myself, the person I was besides a mum,a wife and a daughter.

I wanted to write. I'd always wanted to write. I'm dyslexic, so it was never going to be easy, and I was fairly certain I was nowhere near good enough. But I'd never really know unless I tried.

I'm a Flintshire native so 'visit Gladstone Library' was always on my 'to do' list.

Looking back, I think I felt intimidated.

I wonder now if sitting down at a desk in the Reading Room for the first time was part of tackling my imposter syndrome.

Maybe I imagined some ultra-stern and scholarly librarian glaring at me over half-moon spectacles and hissing, 'what on earth are you doing here!?', and that I'd flee in shame.

In fact, the staff were welcoming, helpful and friendly and not the least bit intimidating.

The Reading Rooms felt (and still do) like somewhere magical, with the high vaulted ceilings and venerable silence and the inviting scent of old books.

The place cast a sort of spell over me. I found that, miraculously, I could hear my own thoughts.

So, whenever I could, and at first it was just a couple of hours here and there, I'd go to this place, away from home and away from all the people, to just... write.

Oh, and then re-write, and re-write and then edit and edit some more, I'm not going to pretend it was easy!

It didn't happen overnight, but I started suspecting that maybe I was good enough. I began submitting short stories to online magazines and journals and to my delight and astonishment, they published them.

I found a writing community and I became part of it. I publish short stories fairly regularly now and last year my first novella M.I.C.H.A.E.L. was released.

It still feels like such a huge achievement. I won't pretend that I don't still struggle to find time, that I don't often battle with my self-confidence.

But I'm not a would-be writer anymore. I am a writer.

• If you would like to volunteer at the library, there are several different roles available, from gardening to archival work. Email elizabeth.newmarch@gladlib.org for more information.