THE mother of former Wales manager Gary Speed is still grieving for her son and remains unsure why he died, she revealed in a TV interview.
Mr Speed, who grew up in Mancot, was found hanged at his home in Huntington, Chester, in November 2011.
A narrative verdict was recorded at his inquest.
On Friday morning, Mr Speed’s mother Carol, 67, was interviewed on ITV’s This Morning with Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford.
“It’s hard,” she told them. “Because when you bring a child into the world I think you are entitled to know why they left.”
Struggling to hold back the tears, she was asked how she and husband Roger had coped after their son was found dead.
“I couldn’t comfort Roger,” admitted Mrs Speed, of Aston.
“I was so wrapped up in my own grief. But he was there, he was watching out for me.”
Although more than 14 months have passed since her son died, Mrs Speed said the grief continues. She said it can be difficult to get out of bed in the morning as she continues to grieve. “You just lie there thinking of him,” admitted Mrs Speed.
She said it may come across to other people that she was fine and coping with the grief, but that was not the case.
Holding her heart, she said: “In here there’s a feeling that’s never gone away.”
Mrs Speed said she had initially sought counselling but had found her friends and family to be the main source of comfort.
“Without family and friends I don’t think I would get through it,” she said.
“I can talk to my family and friends the same way I can talk to a counsellor.”
Mrs Speed told the interviewers she had not realised how much loved her son was, with outpourings of emotions from fans of Wales and clubs he played for including Leeds United and Everton.
Asked about her son’s football career and how his mood would be if he was not selected to play, she said: “He’d always be down if they lost.
“If he was ever dropped, which wasn’t very often, it was the end of the world.”
Mr Speed left wife Louise and sons Tommy and Ed, a member of Wrexham FC’s under 16s squad.
Also being interviewed with Mrs Speed was charity campaigner Paul Kelly, to discuss the impact of grief.
Mr Kelly founded the Irish suicide support charity Console in 2002 following the death of his younger sister Sharon.